Lessons I'm Learning from my Kids: I'm not always in control and that is okay

  So, I had to take Dakota in for her 6-month physical (just a few days before her 7-month birthday) and I thought how nice it was going to be taking only 3 kids in for one of these visits.  Lately, it seems that either 4 or all 5 of the girls have been at each other's appointments and it gets pretty crowded in the appointment rooms, not to mention the behavior management on my part that must go on; despite all of this, we had done pretty well in the past 6 months on our doctor's trips.  But, last Thursday when it was just #3, #4, #5, and myself going in to the doctor's office, it would seem that Arianna and Livia did not get the memo about proper behavior while Mommy held on a discussion with the pediatrician regarding Dakota. 

I know for myself, and I think this is probably true for most individuals reading this, that I care about what other people think about me and my kids when I am out and about.  It is great when we are having an "on" day and everyone is behaving like a perfect angel; we get compliments and accolades about our "well-behaved children".  Then, there are days when the exact opposite happens (and you moms all know what I am talking about):  the toddler throws a fit in the middle of the grocery store at the top of her lungs, all the kids are zooming around in circles and touching things while I shop even after all the expectations have been clearly laid out, the girls outright ignore me when I am asking them to do something (and in front of other adults, no less), etc.  You get the picture.  So, on this particular day, when the pediatrician arrived in the room, some little switched flipped for Arianna and Livia; they went from having a very obedient day to trying to talk to Mommy at top volume while I was simultaneously trying to speak with the doctor.  Of course, it is always awkward, also, to stop in the middle of this sort of situation and hold on a "chewing out session" with the girls in front of another adult.  The pediatrician (which was actually someone else in the practice and not our regular doctor) stopped at least twice and told Arianna to stop talking and let her talk to me.  Yes, I wanted the floor to open up right then and let me fall in a hole, but unfortunately, no such thing happened. 

A few thoughts occurred to me sometime later, while reflecting on this incident. 

1.  I remind myself from time to time that my embarrassment level when out with my children should not drive my behavior, but this is easier said that done.  So, I need to keep reminding myself that the safety and well-being of my kids is more important than how I feel at any particular moment.  I do like to follow societal conventions of proper manners and common courtesy, but when my kids fail in this area, I need to respond to them with their best interest in mind and not just my wounded pride.  If it is a big infraction, there should be a consequence, but I need to be sure that I am seeing the situation objectively and not just jumping to a punishment based on how I am feeling personally.  

2.  I need to remember that these little "incidences" are such a small moment in time, barely a blink of the eye when considered in the bigger perspective of life.  At the doctor's appointment, the girls were really very well-behaved for the majority of the time and disruptive for a short period of time.  In retrospect a few hours later, I realized how it really wasn't that big of a deal.  

3.  My kids are small human beings that have choice and make decisions on their own, sometimes against my best instruction and recommendations.  I need to do my best to be the best mom that I can be and leave the rest to God.  God is always in control and I am not, so when a particularly poignant situation such as this arises, I need to remember that it is okay that I'm not in control of everything.  I need to trust Him with the ultimate well-being of my children.

4.  I read an article some time back that spoke of how American parents generally feel that the discipline and instruction of their children is solely their own responsibility and business and that strangers, acquaintances, and/or friends should not involve themselves in admonishing or instructing the children others.  In other countries the opposite is true, such as France (as referred to in this article of forgotten origin); others are not only encouraged to participate in corporately rearing children, but are expected to step up and say something to a misbehaving child.  It would seem that "it takes a village to race a child" mentality is firmly behind this practice.  And, although I prefer to do the majority of instructing and disciplining of my children myself, I should be more open to outside contributions to the instruction of my children for their own betterment (such as was the case with the doctor speaking to Arianna) instead of taking it personally and seeing this interaction as a reflection of failure on my part in the parenting department.